Let’s be honest, it’s tough to find someone that you truly connect with. There is Tinder and many different apps to help you find someone, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll find an actual relationship.

In 2018, I was fortunate (and bold) enough to meet my boyfriend after years of failed and horrible relationships. Before him, I had been a horrible girlfriend and I found myself never really connecting. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years now and here are 7 things that I learnt in my long-term relationship.

Trust is everything

This is the most important thing I’ve learn. You have to fully trust each other, it sounds hard but it’s easy if you love them. Jealously is a horrible thing to have but believe in your partner and trust.

It’s okay to argue

I always thought that good relationships didn’t have arguments or were always amazing. In a serious long-term relationship, I realised that arguing is fine as it shows that you both care about the relationship. Obviously, monthly-weekly arguments are troubling but every now and again, it’s healthy to express yourself through arguments.

You can have seperate lives

Some relationships focus only on the other person. That’s not completely healthy, I have found that relying on that other person for everything is bad and a huge strain. It’s good to have other friends and do different things as it’ll mean that you cherish it more when you’re together.

Dates are important

From birthdays to anniversaries, dates are a huge part of your relationship. If you love them, you’ll remember and make it special. My boyfriend is the forgetful type who forgets his own mum’s birthday, but he never forgets my birthday and we always do something special.

You don’t have to agree on everything

Whilst it’s important to have stuff in common, it’s okay to disagree on a few things. The main things like marriage, kids and jobs should all be discussed and agreed upon on, but other things such as likes and dislikes isn’t as important. For example, my boyfriend loves military games like Command and Conquer but I don’t. We compromise by finding common ground and playing different games whilst sat talking to each other.

It’s okay for them to be your best friend

I used to be embarrassed that my boyfriend was my best friend but it’s fine. I’m now unashamed that I love spending time with my boyfriend and enjoy doing stuff with him. Even if it’s playing a video game I don’t like, as long as I’m with him and we have our usual banter I love it.

You can be yourself with them

In relationships, I often hide a huge part of myself. I develop a fantasy image of myself and never wanting to shatter it. That broke a lot with my current boyfriend. I don’t hide my stomach rumbling, I don’t hide my goofy laugh and I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. If someone is going to truly love you, it’s best to be yourself.

Words by Charlie Vogelsang.

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